Who Has Access To You?
Who Has Access to You? Lately, I have made the firm decision to only spend time with people who enliven
Who Has Access to You? Lately, I have made the firm decision to only spend time with people who enliven
The most important relationship in your life is the one you have with yourself. And this relationship is nourished by
Reader, imagine you could do three things:
✅ express your sympathy: “Oh, I am sorry to hear all that, this situation is stressful.”
✅ express your empathy: “I can feel how overwhelming this must be, you are carrying so much, with no space to breathe or rest.”
✅ or you could listen patiently, then pause, and ask: “So, what’s the payoff ?”
What would you do?
In NLP, this third option is called a 〰️ pattern interrupt〰️: something so unexpected that it stops the automatic flow of words.
I had a client who was clearly sabotaging her efforts to fulfill her biggest dream: writing a novel. Even though she had promised herself to make it happen, she would keep herself busy, postpone her writing time, avoid honest feedback, and pretend it was no longer important. Deep inside, she was frustrated and anxious.
There was a point where I could do two things:
✅ give space and say, “okay, relax, you’ll know when the time is right.”
✅ or I could ask for permission to be direct, and tell her what I was really seeing: procrastination, resistance, fear of being seen, fear of shining, fear of change.
Reader: what would you choose to do?
Love does not always mean soothing and holding space. Sometimes love is the courage to break the rules that say “be nice” and to say what you see happening – because it will serve.
Loving means being willing to risk the comfort of the status quo (at work) or a surface-level conversation (in friendship).
Now don’t get me wrong: asking for permission to be direct is essential here.
When the permission is given, then love implies being willing to risk being disliked, if this would serve the person.
And love also means speaking the truth to the highest version of a person, because you know they can hear it and grow. In short:
– Loving is not pleasing or enabling.
– Leading is not emotional baby-sitting.
– Leading with love means serving, and being willing to get uncomfortable in service of truth.
❓What are the conversations you are avoiding – with yourself, your team, or someone close?
❓ What is the uncomfortable (and useful) truth you are not saying and, what is the payoff ?
The work I do with my clients is not remedial, it is transformational and it is identity work: you, becoming the person who turns impossible dreams into projects, and projects into your reality.
“The truth will set you free, but first, it will piss you off.” — Ted Lasso
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